It’s amazing to me that we used to make these fans with metal blades with like a single strand of barbed wire surrounding it, as if that would protect the fingers of a small child. It’s almost as if someone got stoned up at the GE design lab and said, “You know, when I put…

In Carthage, Missouri, every once and awhile you’ll catch people bringing mattresses in the beds of their trucks to the drive in theater. They get frisky, but mostly just make out. If they do anything else, it’s not like the squeaking of truck suspension interrupts you while watching Pixar films with the kids. They just…

Overheard in a Braum’s: “Your wife didn’t show up?” “Nah, I just slowed the Porche down.” “Opened the door and kicked her out?” “Yeah.” “She must be great at ninja rolls.” “Hers are pretty tasty.”

I know a guy who babysits one of his coworker’s infants every lunch hour. This guy with his Boston Market microwave lunch and a baby not his own in his arm. I told him he should get a baby meter. Like a parking meter, only for a baby. And you have to insert coins to…

You know your standards have lowered when the men’s bathroom at the Route 66 Drive-In in Carthage, Missouri is cleaner than every single toilet seat you’ve sat on in a Manhattan Starbucks.