Category: humor
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Dwarf Tossing
Florida is a beautiful state with all the sand and sunshine you could ask for, and sometimes more than you want. It’s a great place to live and visit. If you have an odd sense of fun, however, you may want to ready the legal fees. In the hit movie “Wolf of Wall Street”, Leo…
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Wisconsin’s American Zoo (WAZoo) Invites you to pet the meese
1 Tuesday I get a call from Boss to come down to his temporary office at my earliest convenience. Which means immediately. Boss’s office is behind Meese Trecks. It’s called this because Boss says the plural of Moose is Meese. So that’s that. The two Meese are finicky and prone to violence. By finicky I…
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Legal Tender
It now took a wheelbarrow or two of paper money to pay for a loaf of bread. Inflation? Excessive printing of currency? Witchcraft? The economists were still adjusting their equations, so no one had an answer. But all the pundits and bigwigs knew changes had to be made. Gold was no longer an option. Not…
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Sloppy Grows
Cluttered stalls line the market streets And merchants lift up their offerings with both hands Knowing they have the public in their palms. What used to be shunned as a practice of the unrefined – Now exalted as the height of morality and health. All those hours spent in brightly lit bulk warehouses Are now…
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The Existentialist Starter Kit
It was a dark and stormy night when we received the late-night call that every parent of a college student dreads. “Dad,” my son said, struggling to present a brave front in the face of the disaster that had apparently befallen him. “Yes?” “I’ve become an existentialist.” I gulped, covered my eyes with my hand, and shook…
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Saturday Mourning
When someone gets cremated, their bodies are burned with dozens of other dead people. Addie told me this three days after her grandmother died. “So that urn sitting on my parent’s mantelpiece in Alabama—the one holding my great aunt—that’s not just my great aunt?” I asked, scraping my fork across my plate to grab…
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BABY’S GOT SNACK
So many snacks nowadays are just seeming like…some sort of dare, aren’t they? Almonds, like Internet dating, are something I keep intending to bring more into my life. They meet you halfway, almonds do. They hold up their end of the bargain of being actual food and tasting as good as the humans that manhandle…
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A Snack Review in Prosody: SKIPPY DOUBLE PEANUT BUTTER P.B. BITES
Gather round, yea, gather round my friends,It’s time to talk about Skippy Bites (balls),Before they vanish over that snack trend horizon,And they do merit study, discussion, et al. They await on the shelf for your notice,Nestled in their blue plastic cup coffers,O’ convenience this, o’ convenience that,Question remains: are they worth four dollars? Would an…
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WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?: Vea’s Thai Coconut Mini Crunch Bars
a) How many people had to sign off on these to bring Vea’s Thai Coconut Mini Crunch Bar into existence? b) How much money could they possibly make to have them worth producing when they aren’t an obvious choice of the busy parent/weed-related snacking/slumber party junk-food-saturnalia markets? c) What time of day snack niche do…
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TAKES A SPOONFUL OF SUGAR TO MAKE THE REALITY OF DEATH GO DOWN: Butterfinger Smooth and Crunchy Peanut Butter Cups Skulls
Spooks, ghosts, skeletons, you know the whole Halloween kit and caboodle—frankly, I’ve always been a fan. Butterfinger Smooth And Crunchy Peanut Butter Cups Skulls utilizes one of solidest tropes: the skull. Two surprisingly hefty ones of ‘em per package. While the Capuchin catacombs of Rome (human hip bones splayed out like cocktail napkins on the…
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Oh, JACK: DORITOS JACKED 3D Jalapeño Pepper Jack Flavored Torilla Snacks
Are we living through a golden age or an arms race of snack production? Never before has snacks been so wildly imagined and (fetishishically?) realized for such large swathes of the population. I can say this with all the confidence of someone who has done absolutely no research whatsoever to back their assertion. Still, I…
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Zero Stars: Buffalo Wild Wings review
Recently visited Buffalo Wild Wings to watch the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. Great bar atmosphere and drink selection to go along with a rabid bunch of WKC fanz. Not enough kale. 0/5 ★s