It now took a wheelbarrow or two of paper money to pay for a loaf of bread. Inflation?  Excessive printing of currency? Witchcraft? The economists were still adjusting their equations, so no one had an answer. But all the pundits and bigwigs knew changes had to be made.

Gold was no longer an option. Not only had it not been used as a standard for almost a century, but an internet mogul had bought up the entire world’s supply in order to make his castle a solid gold one.

Diamonds were useless also.  The market had been flooded with the surplus from South Africa, and the prices had plummeted so far that every male was forced to buy his significant other  rings for every finger. What diamonds remained were of such low quality and clarity that they were made into marbles for kids to play with.

Stones, which were nice and solid like a money supply should be, were tried for a while. But the larger denominations were quite heavy and gave owners (most of them rich) hernias and back problems.

Then, in an act of Jungian clarity and synchronicity, all the world leaders decided to use shit, i.e., feces, excrement, as a medium of exchange.  Everyone knew what it was, and everyone had some.  Wall Street and the other monetary exchanges set up a shit board, and leaders of the free and non-free worlds told people to get their “shit together”.

Leaders of the world sighed a collective sigh, for not only had the economic system been saved, but the social order upon which the system rested was also kept intact. It was obvious that the rich had better diets with more fiber, so they would continue to have more shit than the poor.

Some were concerned about possible health risks, but the CDC tested random samples and concluded that shit posed no more of a threat than old-fashioned paper currency, which often had traces of e-coli on it. And some were concerned about the odor, but Madison Avenue did a successful spin of “ If it doesn’t stink, then it’s not real shit”.

But human nature being human nature, there were some that tried to game the system by using animal shit rather than human shit. Pig and chicken shit were obvious counterfeits, but other varieties required the hard work and dedication of the Secret Service to wipe out the culprits.

There were a few rebels, mostly biker and construction workers, who said they wouldn’t take shit from anybody.They were quickly added to the official watchlist, about the same time the FBI began investigating the new federal crime of bartering.

All in all, it was a smooth transition. After all, the world is a civilized place. And, whereas it used to be an insult to say someone had “shit for brains”, now it was the highest compliment.