Are we living through a golden age or an arms race of snack production? Never before has snacks been so wildly imagined and (fetishishically?) realized for such large swathes of the population. I can say this with all the confidence of someone who has done absolutely no research whatsoever to back their assertion. Still, I suspect I’m right. All hail low-to-med brow (depending on your brow) mass-producible molecular gastronomy! Including: DORITOS JACKED 3D Jalapeño Pepper Jack Flavored Torilla Snacks.
I’m not sure I’m quite familiar enough with spicy pepper jack cheese—I’m an extra sharp cheddar gal to the last!—to assert how closely the cheese powder resembles the original. I almost feel confident, however, in saying there is an evocation. I LOVED the dimensions: ubersalty corn paste reconstituted into a triangular shape about 1/8” tall (viewing from side) and then configured therein ti an eerie, maze-like pattern. If it helps in the envisioning, the design is very much like an amulet on Dr. Who. The result is so SUPER crunchy, both vertically and horizontally—hence the 3D?—and it occurred to me perhaps it’s not even possible for them to go stale, an achievement that rivals human on moon. They are, I fear, most likely a disappointment to anyone who likes spicy anything. And what, pray tell, is a torilla vs. a tortilla, you ask? Ah. Well, chickens, there isn’t a Santy Claus, and I think that is made-up distinction.
But I fear I’ve buried the headline. You can—mind-blower alert!—take a photo of your chip, upload it, have the website ‘read’ your particular chip configurations and have the pleasure of viewing some wee eXtreme surfing/sharknado/etc. video plays. My JACKED torilla guinea pigs friends all agreed it was bogus, bogus, bogus and vids must be randomly generated. It’s easy to imagine cluster of stoned youths in basements spending an afternoon testing this out. God bless them if so.
Speaking of youths in hazardous undertakings, what if we tried substituting snackery production for war? There are some nice parallels: heavy technological demands, questionable use of resources, corporate overlord involvement, environmental havoc, causalities, etc.. Well, if this were to come to pass, be assured DORITOS JACKED 3D Jalapeño Pepper Jack Flavored Torilla Snacks would be a fine weapon in our arsenal.
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