“911 operator, what’s your emergency?”
“I inhaled a fireball.”
“Okay where are you?”
“Oh god, I don’t know… I… I swallowed a fireball, what do I do?”
“Stay calm.”
“Okay, okay. BUT IT’S A FIREBALL.”
“Right. Where are you?”
“Liu Kang’s dojo. Our summer barbecue kind of got out of hand…”
“Out of hand how?”
“Let’s just say there are holes in every floor of the house.”
“Okay. Someone is on the way. Do you have any burns?”
“I have every burns. I’m inches from fatality.”
“Just stay on the line.”
“Not Scorpion’s dojo, Liu Kang’s dojo. There is no line.”
“How big was this fireball?”
“The size of a bowling ball. I ate it.”
“You ate a bowling ball?”
“I ate a fireball the size of a bowling ball, sheesh are you even listening? This is where my tax dollars go?”
“Did you gasp?”
“Of course I gasped. I’ve never seen someone tap Forward, Forward, Forward, Down, BLK + LK + HK that fast in my life.”
“You probably won’t ever again due to the amount of lung secretion you’re experiencing.”
“What was that?”
“It’s called dry drowning.”
“No, that’s Kotal Kahn’s brutality. We never invite him. Never.”
“Are your lungs heavy?”
“Of course they are. Smoke always shows up early and makes it hard to see and breathe. He has—”
“Not like that. Step outside of the ring of fire.”
“Okay Johnny Cash.”
“Just… please do it, sir.”
“Okay. I’m out in the open. The cicadas are—”
“Are your lungs heavy?”
“Yes. But that’s only because I was just… well me and Sheeva…”
“I don’t need to know the details, I just need to know if they feel wet.”
“Sheeva’s arms?”
“No, your lungs, sir.”
“Oh. Yeah, they’re wet.”
“We call that dry drowning. You’re going to be walking around tomorrow and just fall down dead if we don’t do something.”
“What? We didn’t even invite Rain. That bubble burst a long time ago…”
“You’re not listening. Did your lungs really get scorched?”
“Soul scorched?”
“No, sir. Regular old scorched.”
“Scorched to hell, yeah. It’s Liu Kang! I BREATHED IN—”
“Okay, your lungs are going to be filling up with secretion. You’ll be dead soon.”
“That—“
“Sir—“
“It’s Johnny. Johnny Cage.”
“Okay, Johnny then. Johnny. Listen to me very carefully, Johnny, these next few instructions are critical. It is too late to save yourself, but if you hurry and do what I tell you, you may be able to arrange for tasty grilled treats to be ready for first responders when they arrive on scene…”

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cover image by Kyle Nishioka

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