A decade ago, Mark Neuenschwander (photographer of these photos) and I delved the secret tunnels beneath Joplin, Missouri’s downtown district. We delved the Joplin tunnels with the knowledge of a couple members of City Hall. We had prior experience: do not delve these tunnels. Do not risk your life. They are extremely dangerous when there is any hint of rain. Again, I can’t emphasize this enough: what we did was stupid, though we did it while some in City Hall knew we what we were up to — it was an extremely specific weather condition that predicated our journey.
If you need more of a warning, I know people who have become braindead for life in the middle of incautious urban exploration. So please: heed that warning.
See? I’m basically a child in these photos.
Here lies my lame attempt at a map. I’m certain you can read it, right? Surely.
I remember maybe three things about this map. And I doubt I could articulate them properly. But I know for sure those little lines and circles are the culverts and the wide halls are the massive subterranean watercourses.
I am releasing these photos now after ten years because no one seemed to care, etc. But also because those of you who read everything I print have already seen three of these photos: at the end of Harry Rides the Danger on the bio page, on my Spotify bio page, and in the most recent short story published on the substack.
We wanted to document this underground segment. I found the original audio from the walk, but it’s mostly just footsteps and our ramblings about whether he’d been here, down there, and so forth.
It seemed like I couldn’t keep my boots laced under there. I don’t know if it was the angle of the walking, the slick dredge, or what.
Felt a bit Jean Valjean, to be honest.
Here’s what I can tell you.
Some of these tunnels apparently connect to old prohibition tunnels so that the judges in the court could get to the speakeasy after work. Allegedly. There are all kinds of old rumors about this vast, vast system. I can’t really remember all of it, but the more folks who found out we had delved it, the more stories I heard about their wild histories.
Hey! I actually took that one! Normally it’s Mark with the photos, me with the wordos.
The tunnels connect water courses, underground drainage, actually function service tunnels, man made tunnels, and a lot of other various systems.
Suffice it to say it was hot, damp, muggy.
I cannot believe how short my hair was. That main passage connects through this silt filled leaning watercourse to a big open arena.
Prior to that, it peels off with several of these drainage runoffs.
Which is where the picture for the Spotify profile came from:
A little further along, we found another grate with a ton of light. Best author photo we could muster:
That grate, I decided to climb up into, which was tricky.
Basically jump-catch, pull-up, then boots. Once I had my tailbone propped, I could wedge myself inside the cylinder.
From there, it was just a quick brace and an inversion to get these for the back pages of Harry Rides the Danger:
Mark really wanted to show what it looked like for me up in there, so here’s this:
Took a break.
I’m not that buff.
Several tight spaces through other culverts reminded me of other forms of spelunking.
They were fun to explore, but often ended in dead ends.
When they didn’t, it was a headlong journey into sludge.
Or old concrete.
Then again, sometimes we’d turn a corner and find life making a way in the dark.
I might use that as a story cover at some point, if Mark lets me.
Later on, Mark and I got separated and I had to go the long, long way around.
I failed. I was stuck behind a grate somehow or across the water. I can’t remember what happened, but it was more precarious.
We worked it out, though.
There are way more to the tunnels, of course, but that’s a sampler.
Again.
Please don’t try this. But feel free to comment, share, subscribe to encourage us on more adventures. I have a whole travel book idea with Mark, but it’s going to take some serious funding.
Comment early, comment often, keep it civil: