Kiddo Learns to Knat

“The past tense of ‘to knit’ is ‘knitted,’ Lance.”

I hear ya, I hear ya.

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Right on. But personally, I prefer limiting my “ih” sounds because they sounds icky. Like sugar and oil — use “ih” sparingly.

I prefer “knat.”

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Why?

Because spit, spat. Sit, sat. Oh yes, knat sounds way cooler.

Kiddo gave pledges to knit scarves at Christmas and has heretofore knatted them both. Here’s what she looked like after the first one was finished recently:

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Now let me tell you a story about our veterinarian named Dr. Gory.

Pause.

No, I didn’t make that up.

Doctor.

Gory.

Our pet’s vet.

Continue:

Dr. Gory’s weighing Echo and he’s a tender man with a softer, more effeminate voice. He breaks things easy like a good mother. “Well…” he says, weighing our spaniel. “Well… she’s a little… um… she’s a little over…”

“I get rejected a lot in my line of work,” I said. “You’re not gonna hurt my feelings.”

“Okay, honey, she’s fat.”

And the first thing that runs through my mind isn’t a plan for my dog. The first thing that runs through my mind is, “Crap, me too. I should eat less.” He was talking.

“–a day?”

I ask. “Feed her? Is that what you asked?”

“Each day.”

“Umm… just the recommendation on the internet.” This sounds colossally stupid now, but then “the recommendation on the internet” sounded like the squeaky-clean “Well yeah of course we were hang gliding while breathing fire up at our wingspan — that’s how the internet said to do it” kind of logic that tends to get you and me into trouble. Thus the bad thinking posts.

“How much did The Internet say?” asked the motherly doctor named Gory.

“The Internet said a cup in the morning and a cup at night.” Which is the precise amount Kiddo’s parents fed their 10-year old chocolate Labrador retriever, peace be upon him.

“Oh yeah, cut that down to a half cup.”

I lose The Internet for today.

“Any treats?”

“No,” I said. “Not unless we’re training.”

“Scraps?”

“Nope.”

“Walks?”

This is the point I think through my schedule and realize that the common denominators between me and my spaniel are not only too large of diet portions but too little exercise. I look at my belly. “Not often enough.”

“Twenty minutes a day.”

I wanted to ask, “For me or the dog?” but kept my mouth shut. He’s a good doctor, great to my dog, great with discounts. A man like that doesn’t deserve petty sarcasm. He deserved the “yes sir” I was giving him.

All that to say, in retrospect, I understand the insecurity of Echo in the follow pictures. Echo was feeling insecure because of fat, so she wanted in on the attention:

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Echo’s losing weight. As am I — down nine pounds since I started chasing after my racing wife. What can I say? I still like chasing girls… I narrowed it down to one about three years ago.

But more on that tomorrow. I’ll end with a HUGE thanks to Autumn, Megan, Aubree, Kim, Allison, Bethany, and our family for encouraging Tara with her journey in knitting. As you can see, they have fun:

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Hugs, Kisses, and something that sounds like Gnats but deals with yarn,

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  1. deblivesay

    When using knat as the past tense of knit, I don’t believe the “ed” is required. She hasn’t “knatted”, she has “knat,” which is the point, I believe, with which you began. And she is doing very well, having knat some lovely scarves.

    1. lanceschaubert

      Well said and duly noted. I will correct it first thing in morning.

  2. Dena

    I have felt more sad in the past week than I ever thought I could possibly feel again, but this blog was cute, lifted my spirits and even made me smile! That’s huge for me right now! Thanks! Such adorable pics of Tara and, of course, our beloved Granddog!

    1. lanceschaubert

      Glad to encourage you. You should call me tonight.

  3. Helen Ross

    This made me smile also. Nicely put.

    1. lanceschaubert

      Thanks, Helen. Good to have you back commenting.

Quick note from Lance about this post: when you choose to comment (or share this post with your friends) you help other readers just like you.

How?

Well, see, your comments & sharing whisper a few things to those who come after you:

The first is that this site is a safe place to speak up & stay curious. That it's civil. That discussion is encouraged. That there's no such thing as a stupid question (being a student of Socrates, I really and truly believe this). That talking to one another and growing together is more important than anything we could possibly publish. That the point is growing in virtue and growing together and growing wise. That discovery is invention, deference is originality, that we all can rise together. The only folks I'm going to take comments down from are obvious jerks who argue in bad faith, don't stay curious, or actively make personal attacks. And, frankly, I'd rather we talk here than on some social media farm — I will never show ads and the only thing I'm selling anywhere on the site or my mailing list is just the stuff I make.

You're also helping folks realize that anything you & they build together is far more important than anything you come to me to read. I take the things I write about seriously, but I don't take myself seriously: I play the fool, I hate cults of personality, and I also don't really like being the center of attention (believe it or not). I would much rather folks connect because of an introduction I've made or because they commented with one another back and forth and then build something beautiful together. My favorite contributions have been lifelong business and love partnerships from two people who have forgotten I introduced them. Some of my closest friends NOW I literally met on another blog's comment section fifteen years ago. I would love for that to happen here — let two of you meet and let me fade into the background.

Last, you help me revise. I'm wrong. Often. I'm not embarrassed to admit it or worried about being cancelled or publicly shamed. I make a fool out of myself (that's sort of the point). So as I get feedback, I can say, "I was wrong about that" and set a model for curious, consistent learning, and growing in wisdom. I'm blind to what I don't know and as grows the island of my knowledge so grows the shoreline of my ignorance. It's the recovery of innocence on the far end of experience: a child is in a permanent state of wonder. So are the wise: they aren't afraid of saying, "I don't know. That's new: please teach me." That's my goal, comments help. And I read all reviews: my skin's tough, but that's not license to be needlessly cruel. We teach one another our habits and there's a way to civilly demolish an idea without demolishing another person: just because I personally can take the world's meanest 1-star review doesn't mean we should teach one another how to be crueler on the internet.

For three magical reasons — your brave curiosity, your community, & my ignorance:

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