manly-vs-manful

Manly VS. Manful

Manliness is an aesthetic.
Manfulness is the beauty and truth behind that aesthetic.

Manliness, as an aesthetic, can be used for good or bad. It could be a true aesthetic or a false aesthetic.
Manfulness, however, is always a form for men to aspire towards.

Manliness seeks to robe men in the garb, accents, and presentation of manhood.
Manfulness infuses such fashions and adornments with meaning.

Manly men may concern themselves with physical strength. This may end well, as in the fireman who lifts burning rubble off of a victim, or poorly, as in domestic violence.
Manful men know that strength must be tempered with meekness–that power without self-control is tyranny, that the only true power is self-control.

Manly men kiss girls.
Manful men know that a kiss represents affection, and so where there is strong affection, kisses follow. The two men I respect most in my life often kiss me on the cheek or forehead when they greet me. Judas’ kiss, as contrast, haunts us. “You betray the Son of Man with a kiss?” asks Jesus, and when he asks we squirm. Why? Because kisses represent the affection of friendship, a friendship that was betrayed in the most pure of actions. 

Manly men wear argyle.
Manful men realize that argyle is left over from an age where men “dressed to impress,” where grown men refused to let bad first impressions or assumptions get in the way of real human interaction. If your appearance gets in the way of relationship, then your appearance is selfish. Men dressed well because men took business seriously. Artists wore tweed. Businessmen wore pinstripe. All men wore some sort of overcoat. It’s not a fashion statement for the manful man, but a statement of purpose: I’m here to work, to influence the world by the productivity of my presence. This may apply as argyle these days or it may look like taking up your every professional endeavor with tact and intentionality, always considering the other person before yourself. It may also mean dressing as a homeless man in order to learn from the homeless because bad first impressions — including pretension, arrogance, and high society — should never get in the way of real human interaction.

A Manly man uses a straight razor.
A Manful man recognizes that a straight razor conceptually helps him in practicing meekness (see “physical strength” above). In addition, a straight razor functionally (1) helps cut down on razor burn, and thus helps dress to impress (2) reduces waste created by disposable razors, and thus helps care for life (3) represents assertiveness without destruction. The number one failure of man involves his role as a destroyer or a passive observer. He must be neither — sharp, but never lacerating; straight, never crooked. A straight razor is nothing without self-control, meekness, gentleness. In fact, it’s worse than nothing. It’s Sweeney Todd.

Manly men eat meat.
Manful men recognize that death is a temporal state of being–that one day death will be no more. In that day, the wolf will lie down with the lamp, the asp will lay with the ox, and the little child will lead the lion by hand. Like the Cherokee and other Natives before them, a manful man realizes that if he eats meat in this season, then something had to die in order for him to live. Death in any form grieves the Spirit of Life, and so death must grieve the manful man as well. This includes war, but also vegetarianism. Death of plant life is another grievance and the tree in your back yard is not “your” tree, but rather “a” tree. As one sustained by the Spirit of Life, a tree is a living being like you, lesser though it may be. Manful men, if they eat meat, eat meat with a sorrowful gratitude: they may live where another died. So too for vegans that kill entire plants to live.

Manly men make it rain [hundred-dollar bills].
Manful men recognize that their assertiveness and ordering of finances into a budget is part of the creative act–that to do so means to give life. Therefore greed has no place. If you are frugal, if you aspire to great wealth, those things belong to the poor. If you do not know the poor, then you have no reason to make that much money. First know the poor, teach them frugality, then when you accumulate riches, share. After all, we teach our kids that sharing makes for a happier play room. The same is true of the world.

Manly men stop at the outward appearance.
Manful men apply themselves toward cultivating first a healthy soul and heart.

~

I could go on and on, but take the idea and run with it in the comments. What other distinctions can you find between manliness and manfulness?


monogram new

PS > I forgot to add a key distinction.

Manliness, as an aesthetic, has two pitfalls on either side of the manful form it intends. One is avoidance/withdrawal. The other is overcompensation. Here’s how it works: men who default to avoidance and withdrawal used “manly” aesthetics to cover up those faults. Men who default to overcompensation use “manly” aesthetics to assert a false sense of manfulness in their life.

Avoiding/Withdrawing men use manliness to cover up these traits: Passive, wimp, unassertive, overly nice, silent, quiet, eats his words, fearful, avoids conflict, can’t find/hold job, passive aggressive, pouts, apologetic, inoffensive, unobtrusive, irresponsible, procrastinator.

Overcompensating men use manliness to assert a false sense of manfulness through these traits: Angry, in your face, threatening, competitive, abrasive, antagonistic, over the top, jerk, demanding, over-driven, violent, bully, blame shifting, argumentative, provoker, taker, user.

Manful  men express masculinity through traits of strength and tenderness: Leader, servant, firm, risk taker, adventurer, confident, courageous, relational, lover, caring, compassionate, brokenness, hero, brings order out of chad, honest, admits failures.


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  1. Helen RossHelen Ross

    Hi Lance. Another good post from you that makes me stop and think.

    1. lanceschaubert

      Thanks, Helen. Appreciate the compliments as always.

  2. H.J. Whiskersmith

    Excellent insight and trenchant observations. We thank you!

    1. lanceschaubert

      Thanks, Whiskersmith. I’ll certainly start following your site as well.

      } and thanks for the first comment {

  3. H.J. Whiskersmith

    Manly men grow a beard in order to more closely resemble George Clooney.
    Manful men grow a beard in order to more closely resemble themselves.

    1. lanceschaubert

      That’s interesting. What other bearded observations do you think we could make?

      Certainly something about the social implications of beard growth…

      1. H.J. Whiskersmith

        As goes an oft-quoted Beardivist proverb: “The opposite of a Beard is not a freshly-shorn face, but the indifference to either.” We are certain a man as learned as yourself has heard that one before, but we share it here so that other readers may appreciate it in context.

        Despite the obvious corporeal advantages to Bearding (bib, scarf, air purifier), in today’s western world the Beard is an almost exclusively cosmetic undertaking. For many of us, it is a means to expression; though the content of the expression is up to the individual. Here, the Beard’s symbolism runs the gamut from philosophical, to yonic, to simple popular fashion.

        When one explores the various Orient occurrences, on the other hand/cheek, one finds the truly interesting social implications. Many of the world’s enduring religions’ prophets Bearded, and many of these religions prescribe the Beard as sacrament. We are reminded of a trip to New Guinea, many years ago, whereupon the local caste system relied almost entirely on the luxuriousness of Beard. We were, of course, shortly declared demigods and oversaw several monuments erected in our honor.

        1. lanceschaubert

          Good Lord, that was entertaining to read.

          Also, it drew up memories of books I had all but forgotten. H.J., you’re my new beard friend.

  4. lanceschaubert

    } added a few key distinction in the post script {

  5. Tony Otero (@AMOtero)

    Surprised that no one has yet mentioned this idea:
    Manly men sire children
    Manful men raise children in the way they should go (whether they’re biologically theirs or not)

    Of course, there are scores of books written about that

    1. lanceschaubert

      Good one. Correction: GREAT one there, Tony.

      And just because there are scores of books written about it doesn’t mean that it was discussed in this precise context. In this conversation, your comment was original, so thanks for that.

      } and thanks for your first comment {

  6. Literally Comic: “Bathtubs” | Lance Schaubert

    […] to throw parties at the Playboy Mansion (for good or ill). Frank wore flannel and grew out the most manly beard I’ve yet to sight in person. Yes, I do mean “sight.” Catching a glimpse of […]

  7. Phil

    Lance,
    Well written, I have to agree.

    1. lanceschaubert

      Thanks, Phil. And thanks for the first comment!

Quick note from Lance about this post: when you choose to comment (or share this post with your friends) you help other readers just like you.

How?

Well, see, your comments & sharing whisper a few things to those who come after you:

The first is that this site is a safe place to speak up & stay curious. That it's civil. That discussion is encouraged. That there's no such thing as a stupid question (being a student of Socrates, I really and truly believe this). That talking to one another and growing together is more important than anything we could possibly publish. That the point is growing in virtue and growing together and growing wise. That discovery is invention, deference is originality, that we all can rise together. The only folks I'm going to take comments down from are obvious jerks who argue in bad faith, don't stay curious, or actively make personal attacks. And, frankly, I'd rather we talk here than on some social media farm — I will never show ads and the only thing I'm selling anywhere on the site or my mailing list is just the stuff I make.

You're also helping folks realize that anything you & they build together is far more important than anything you come to me to read. I take the things I write about seriously, but I don't take myself seriously: I play the fool, I hate cults of personality, and I also don't really like being the center of attention (believe it or not). I would much rather folks connect because of an introduction I've made or because they commented with one another back and forth and then build something beautiful together. My favorite contributions have been lifelong business and love partnerships from two people who have forgotten I introduced them. Some of my closest friends NOW I literally met on another blog's comment section fifteen years ago. I would love for that to happen here — let two of you meet and let me fade into the background.

Last, you help me revise. I'm wrong. Often. I'm not embarrassed to admit it or worried about being cancelled or publicly shamed. I make a fool out of myself (that's sort of the point). So as I get feedback, I can say, "I was wrong about that" and set a model for curious, consistent learning, and growing in wisdom. I'm blind to what I don't know and as grows the island of my knowledge so grows the shoreline of my ignorance. It's the recovery of innocence on the far end of experience: a child is in a permanent state of wonder. So are the wise: they aren't afraid of saying, "I don't know. That's new: please teach me." That's my goal, comments help. And I read all reviews: my skin's tough, but that's not license to be needlessly cruel. We teach one another our habits and there's a way to civilly demolish an idea without demolishing another person: just because I personally can take the world's meanest 1-star review doesn't mean we should teach one another how to be crueler on the internet.

For three magical reasons — your brave curiosity, your community, & my ignorance:

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